just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
