It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
