i don't like sucking hair
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
