I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
