Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
