But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
i think i just lost a toe
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
