He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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