the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
