I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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