Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
