so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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