like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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