the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
