dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
