so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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