Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
