Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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