it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
