too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
