goodnight i made you a song goodbye
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
