I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
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