You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Randomize
