I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He? As in you personified your dick?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
soo... how was my night?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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