i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
