Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
