I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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