I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
