i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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