i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
