Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
