I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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