So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
