no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
