I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You may now shotgun with the bride
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
