at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
