I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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