y did u give ur computer a hand job?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
