it wasn't lemon gatorade
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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