what day is it and did you see me today?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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