I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Randomize
