i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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