how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
