please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
