I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
How's work?
Spinning.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
