Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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