he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
