dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
