I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
