so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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