hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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