You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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