When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
